I want to do EVERYTHING but also spend time on the couch – On balance
HOW IS IT APRIL ALREADY. Seriously, I felt like January and a bit of February was about 100 years long, and now time has sped up an insane amount. So yep, we are a quarter of the way through the year and I thought it was time to chat about that word of the year. If you cast your mind back to those many months ago, I decided that the word for this year is going to be Slow.
Yep, the opposite to how I am 99% of the time. But now I’m no longer travelling and I have less time out and about, it was the perfect word. So let’s tackle the first question…
Have I actually slowed down?
Well, yes I have! I’d say most weeks I’d have a good 3-4 evenings at home, and often a slow weekend on top too. I’ve been making less plans in general (other than holidays) and have purposefully leaving weekends quite free. Obviously now I don’t travel during the week, this has been much easier than I expected!
And not only that, when I’ve been home I’ve been doing less stuff. I’ve been doing a lot more sewing, and well, a lot more watching Netflix.
What do I think about slowing down?
I am SO TORN. You see, I do like slowing down, but I almost feel like I was on a hamster wheel right. So when I was busy, the wheel was moving super fast, all the time, my brain was non stop GOING. Not only was work busy but home was busy and my social life was busy and I studied and did the blog and did the coaching and I did EVERYTHING.
But I tried to slow the wheel down, and you know those videos where the hamster trips and just falls on its face, spinning around and around until it eventually stopped? Well, that’s what happened.
I stopped doing ANYTHING. Seriously, I didn’t want to blog, I didn’t want to sew, I didn’t want to go out but I didn’t want to stay in. I honestly have hit moments of actually being bored. I didn’t want to do anything. It was like by no longer moving at a million miles an hour, I lost it. I lost my mojo.
And after moving a million miles an hour for SO LONG. It was really hard. I felt so guilty and down. I do always seem to tie self worth up in my achievements, but now, I wasn’t doing or achieving anything and it made me feel terrible.
But how do I manage a balance which actually keeps my sanity?
Well, I mean, I have no answers here. Helpful right? This all came to a head a few weeks ago where I burst into tears at about 11pm about how I had no motivation and felt like a failure.
And just coming to that realisation has helped. I was feeling crap and it feels better to acknowledge and understand why I was feeling crap.
I think it comes to finding a balance. I love spending time at home, and I think there is such a big push at the moment about the joy of staying in. But the more I stay in, then the more I WANT to stay in. Which I actually think is a bad thing. My cuddly duvet requires a lot less work then going out to a blog event or off to meet the gals, but I feel better when I finally get out and about.
Not only that, but going out less, makes me appreciate time at home less. It’s no longer the sacred space it once was. I think some of this comes back to my personality type. Technically I’m an ENTJ, but I am SO on the cusp of introverted and extroverted. I am bang in the middle but generally with a little more extroversion. But when I start becoming introverted, it becomes more and more prevalent.
So what am I gonna do?
Well, the good thing is that it is coming up to Spring (when the weather makes its mind up) so my energy levels are increasing and I’ve been wanting to go out more. So I think slow is still going to continue, especially in terms of work and the blog and some slow weekends, but I’m going to try and make my evenings a little more exciting!
Have you tried to slow down? How did it go?!